35 weeks...satan is trying to move in...

Here I am at 35 weeks and I'm starting to feel as nervous as I did in the first trimester. Most of the time my thoughts are centered around the amazing idea that I will be a mommy in a month's time but sometimes those darker thoughts associated with our previous loss creep their way in.

Mainly those thoughts revolve around the idea of something going wrong at the last minute. Cord accidents, low fluid, anything that the world could do to keep me from having this baby. Like everything is too good to be true.

I think these thoughts reflect back on those lighter thoughts of amazement because if it didn't seem so surreal that I was about to have a child, would I be as inclined to worry that it wont happen? Everyday my son assures me he's doing fine. His movement patterns stay the same for the most part (although this didn't keep me from calling the doctor last Friday because he slept an hour longer than usual...of course, right after I called he started jumping around) and his heartbeat is always nice and strong. Plus, he's even head down - so no worries there.

In my heart I know it will be fine, God has blessed us with this little man. He is our "Gift from God" which is the whole reason I love his name so much. (I love names with a great deeper meaning.) Yet, satan creeps in periodically and seems to be gaining a little more ground as I get closer to the end. My current challenge is not to let him and rely on faith to guide me these last few weeks.

My doctor's know what they are doing. I will have constant fetal monitoring...this baby will be perfect and he will grow big and strong. He will look like his father and he will be the son I've always dreamed of.