This time next week I'll be back at work. While I do enjoy my job, I like being a mommy more. Even though we don't do much around here in the mornings, it is still just awesome to get to stay home and enjoy being with him. Feeding him breakfast, chasing him around the apartment. It's just a wonderful and sad feeling knowing that you are watching such a quick part of his life. When I'm at work I won't even get that.
Something that is really getting to me about going back to work is my schedule. Last year I worked until 4:15. I guess I should be thrilled that I get off that early, but the year before I got off at 3:15 - the year I didn't have a child. The only reason it bothers me so much is because of Nathan's schedule. Even more so this year now that he's going to bed earlier. By the time I will get home from work it will be ten till 5. I'll have to immediately start dinner and then the next hour and half will zip by...at 6:30 it's bath time and by 7pm my little man is in bed. Meaning, that five days out of the week, I'll have two hours (and ten or so minutes) a day with him. How is that fair? How is that possible? I'm starting to cry just thinking about it.
I never wanted to be a working mom. Ever since I was little I wanted to be a SAHM, but life just won't allow that right now and it's killing me. Thankfully I have a job I enjoy, if I didn't it would be so much worse.
Ugh, I have to tell you I'm very close to just saying forget the teaching degree. I'll graduate in December with my masters, we'll move back in Jan. and Caleb can hopefully start working for his uncles. Then, I can get a part-time job at a public or academic library. No more full-time job, no more Chicago... just family. First and foremost.
Don't give up! You're almost there. Although, I completely understand. I never want to be a working mom, but I will do whatever it takes for my family.
ReplyDeleteI always ADORE how you change your site with the seasons :) You're precious! ENJOY your week!