57 days...

I guess I'll never be a "real" blogger. I hardly ever get into a groove and post every day. It's been a while, as usual.

Since my last post Nathan's walking has really taken off. He took his first step that weekend we were in Michigan and quickly progressed to walking around the room. Now he pretty much walks everywhere unless he wants to get somewhere really quickly, then he crawls. It is amazing to me that our little baby is walking! Where did the time go?

Speaking of where did the time go. We have 57 days left until we leave Chicago. While I'm still incredibly excited and happy to move back, I am starting to miss Chicago already. Now all I really have to do is drive somewhere and that goes away, ;0) but when I think about leaving my job, the city and everyone here, I get a bit sad. I just hope we can come visit every once in a while.

So far I've applied for four jobs and have yet to hear back either way from any of them. I hate looking for a job - it's so frustrating. I do realize it is still pretty early to be looking, but I do like it when places let you know you aren't being considered. It allows me to officially cross them off the list rather than sit around wondering and waiting.

To add to the 57 day countdown, I have so much to do before we move. We are going to have to buy more boxes I think. Although we kept 90% of what we had when we moved across town, it isn't enough to get us all packed before Caleb's parents get here on December 20th. We need to be COMPLETELY packed so we can just load, clean and go.

We also have to get rid of the cats. We can't have them at Caleb's parents and I don't know anyone who wants to foster three cats. Not sure exactly what we're going to do but hopefully I can find someone we know to take them, even if we have to split them up. I feel bad because we've had them since they were kittens and Nathan loves them.

Anyway, I need to go. A little mister keeps trying to steal my glasses right off my face as I type this! I need to create a distraction.

To the one I lost,

Two years ago today I found out you were no longer with me. Two years ago today I experienced the worst day of my life so far. My world came crashing in. Even though I really think I knew it was going to happen, it didn't hurt any less. It wasn't any less of a blow.

I remember sitting in the bathroom after the ultrasound, staring at my feet thinking "This can't be real, this can't be happening".... "This isn't me"... but it was. Over the next few days I went through the physical aspects of my miscarriage, but October 8th, 2008 was the day I really lost you and everything I had been dreaming of. It was the day I lost my innocence. No other pregnancy will ever be carefree for me. I know now that it can happen to anyone. It happened to me.

HOWEVER, my sweet little one...if I had not lost you I would not have your brother with me now. Does that mean you were supposed to leave me? Maybe, maybe because I can't imagine my life without Nathan. Yet, maybe you never did leave. Perhaps you came back and are actually asleep in your room right now. Maybe God gave you back to me. Maybe you are Nathaniel Louis. I won't know until I leave this earth I guess.

Either way, you will always be a part of who I am. Every year I will take time to stop and remember you - the one I lost. 

Michigan

A while ago Caleb and I decided that we were actually going to go on a fall weekend this year. We had decided we wanted to do this before our plans turned upside down and found out we were moving back to Oklahoma this year, but since that decision we realized we really HAD to do it this year, or else it was never going to happen.  So about a month ago we made the hotel reservations and I put my personal day request in at work and despite not having very much cash, we did it.

So this weekend we're in Traverse City, Michigan enjoying the fall. We are here until tomorrow morning and we really haven't done a ton, but we've driven around to enjoy the fall foliage and had a couple meals at local restaurants ... making it a nice little trip.

I will say that we had pretty bad luck as far as which hotel room we got. The people next door to us are AWESOME...and I say that with all of the sarcasm I can muster. I knew the walls were thin yesterday evening when the kids started shouting about something, but I tried to ignore it and we left for dinner shortly after. When we returned all was quiet. I foolishly hoped they were already in bed. Oh no, they came storming in at 2:45 in the morning. With 4 or so little kids. What they were doing out with children until 3 in the morning, I have no idea but they were loud and obnoxious for 30 or 40 minutes. We didn't complain to the front desk or anything because now that we have a child I know that you have to be a bit lenient but these parents were horrible. I'm chalking up the situation to a lesson in what NOT to do if I ever have all of my children up late in a hotel room. The lady kept yelling at them to get in bed, but never once did she tell them why they needed to be quiet or anything. Also, anytime the kids seemed to actually be settling down, the adults would start talking or the other family members from another room stopped by. It was absolutely ridiculous. Not to mention incredibly rude. Then this afternoon we get back from lunch to rest and we suddenly smell cigarette smoke. This is a smoke free hotel and I could tell it was coming from their room. This time I did tell the front desk because our room wreaked.

Anyway, we're having fun...minus the annoying hotel neighbors. Here are some pics: