Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday Nathan, I can't believe how much you've grown. I can't believe that one year ago today I got to meet you for the first time.

You're beautiful and continue to amaze me every day.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Make this week last forever...

This time next week I'll be back at work. While I do enjoy my job, I like being a mommy more. Even though we don't do much around here in the mornings, it is still just awesome to get to stay home and enjoy being with him. Feeding him breakfast, chasing him around the apartment. It's just a wonderful and sad feeling knowing that you are watching such a quick part of his life. When I'm at work I won't even get that.

Something that is really getting to me about going back to work is my schedule. Last year I worked until 4:15. I guess I should be thrilled that I get off that early, but the year before I got off at 3:15 - the year I didn't have a child. The only reason it bothers me so much is because of Nathan's schedule. Even more so this year now that he's going to bed earlier. By the time I will get home from work it will be ten till 5. I'll have to immediately start dinner and then the next hour and half will zip by...at 6:30 it's bath time and by 7pm my little man is in bed. Meaning, that five days out of the week, I'll have two hours (and ten or so minutes) a day with him. How is that fair? How is that possible? I'm starting to cry just thinking about it.

I never wanted to be a working mom. Ever since I was little I wanted to be a SAHM, but life just won't allow that right now and it's killing me. Thankfully I have a job I enjoy, if I didn't it would be so much worse.

Ugh, I have to tell you I'm very close to just saying forget the teaching degree. I'll graduate in December with my masters, we'll move back in Jan. and Caleb can hopefully start working for his uncles. Then, I can get a part-time job at a public or academic library. No more full-time job, no more Chicago... just family. First and foremost.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Cleaning...what's that?

I've never been the best at keeping a clean house. I love it when I am able to, but most of the time I just can't get myself to get up and do it. Every once in a while I'll manage to get moving and get the kitchen mopped and the apartment vacuumed but a lot of the time it's a very surface clean. I don't deep clean very often.

My goal this summer was to deep clean our place. Funny enough, it hasn't happened yet (surprise). Today I did manage to do a large scale cleaning of the floors in the main room (including the kitchen), the bathroom and our bedroom. I find hardwood to be a huge pain despite how nice it looks. I wish I could just vacuum and be done with it.

Anyway, I did manage to get a bit done today. I still want to vacuum the carpets here a in a few, probably after I'm done posting this I'll get to it. I just needed a little bit of a break after all that sweeping and mopping. I also surface cleaned the fridge...which is saying something for me. I'm horrible at getting motivated to clean the fridge, even a surface cleaning.

Well, I don't really know where I was going with this post other than that I am probably the worst at keeping house. I have to confess though that I think my less than spotless house has been key to Nathan not having more than a slight cold all year as well as not having any allergies. I realize the whole allergy thing is still mostly unknown and a bit controversial, but I do personally believe the cat hair tumbleweeds have actually helped him.

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Besides my rare attempt at cleaning, the only thing going on here is us just getting ready for me to go back to work and Nathan turning one. He's still not walking, but I think he will be very soon. If not before his birthday (which is less than two weeks away! GULP) then soon afterward. Two days ago he finally decided he "understood" how to use his little walker thing. It looks like he's pushing a shopping cart around. It's so cute! I've been trying to get him to try it out for weeks now and I'm pretty sure we tried it three days ago and he refused to have anything to do with it. Then, the next day...voila! Silly boy.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Feeling Old

I realize I'm not old ... I'm only 25, but after you have a child you start to realize you aren't really "young" anymore, no matter what age you are.

I don't regret having a child, I'm so so so glad we had Nathan when we did and I'd do it again in a heartbeat, in fact I'd like to have all of our children before I hit 30 - but every once in a while I realize I am no longer "young"...I am a full blown adult.

What has caused me to pause and think about this even more than usual is that I happened upon a picture of myself in my dorm room the day I moved in, my freshman year of college. How is it that that doesn't seem all that long ago? It was in fact, 7 years ago next week...what the heck!? SEVEN years!?

Why does time do that to you? When I was a kid, seven years was an eon, but now that I'm an adult and have had the same "mental awareness" for a while, the years just fly by. It's hard to realize that it has truly been that long because my memories of it are all so intact. As a kid your memories seem to get jumbled.

I've also been feeling old because I don't feel like I'm as pretty as I used to be. Oh yes, pity party for me but I just feel like I constantly look tired. I've always had dark circles under my eyes, but ever since I started working full-time and now adding Nathan and his horrible sleep habits on to my plate, they're so much worse. I feel like I'm never going to look refreshed and beautiful ever again. That is a bit depressing considering I am only 25 ... not 75.

Anyway, that's my pity post for the year. Certainly not an "update on our growing family" as the tag line of my blog suggests, but definitely what has been on my mind the last few days.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Sentimental Saturday

Did I mention I have baby fever? And that it has to do with my little man turning one? Ha, well if you didn't grasp that from my last blog post - I have it bad.

Yesterday I put together a slide show for Nathan's birthday on PhotoStory. It took me a lot longer than I was anticipating because I had trouble with the format and getting it uploaded. I did finally get it online and I keep wanting to watch it. Over and over. I'm a bit obsessed. Seeing Nathan's newborn pictures just floor me. I can't believe he was ever that small, especially less than a year ago.

It just makes me marvel that at one time he was nothing but a dream, a thought. That our second child is nothing but a dream at the moment, but one day he or she will be as real as Nathan. Amazing.

Anyway, I'm feeling sentimental so for your viewing pleasure:

video

And if for some reason this doesn't work for you, here's the YouTube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PEYPYXXOpCc

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Baby Fever .. again.

So as Nathan gets ready to turn one I've discovered that I have baby fever again. Last time I attempted to placate it with getting a third cat - HUGE mistake. Now, I don't know what to do other than suffer through for a few more months.

This past spring we decided we'd TTC again in April or May of 2011 and it didn't seem that far away. Now it feels like forever (even though I know it isn't).

There are a few reasons we can't get pregnant now. One being my student teaching is coming up in the spring and perhaps we could figure it out schedule-wise, but it would be difficult. Secondly my sister's wedding is at the end of May and I have already been told she'd kill me if I got pregnant and missed it do to having the baby or being over the 30 week travel mark. I've also already bought my bridesmaid dress and it doesn't look like it could be altered for even a 10 week (3rd pregnancy) belly.

I guess most of this fever has to do w/ Nathan turning one and no longer being a baby as well as a bunch of my friends having babies or TTC.

Overall I know when the time is right, it will be right. I'm not sure I really even want two kiddos less than two years apart, but when you get the fever it's sure hard to shake!

Monday, August 2, 2010

Still happy..

..with our car! Thankfully, I have no buyers remorse a week later. Let's hope it stays that way. I feel like a real grown-up momma driving it around. A feeling that I have to say I LOVE.

In other "mommy" activities, I'm attempting to get us going on a real budget. For the first time ever. I don't know if it'll work, I tend to freak out before we even get started and never do it. This time though, I've bought a little accordion envelope and am hoping to go to a cash only system (minus our bills).

I have cash categories for : Groceries, Me, Caleb, Nathan, the Vet, Gas, Car Repairs, Fun & Misc.

HOPEFULLY this will work. We really need to get on a budget. It would help us out so much. Sadly I've never been very good with money so it feels like an impossible task.

Wish us luck!