Rocky Mountain High....Colorado! How I miss you!

Wow I miss Colorado! I would really like to get back here over the summer somehow. I'm off work, but I have to take classes this summer so I'm not sure we'll be able to make it out, especially since we're going to the lake in mid-July.

I will be coming out with Nathan (still not sure if Caleb will be coming) in mid-May for a few days for my sister's graduation. I'll have to take two of my 2-1/2 personal days that I have left. Meaning, I can't get sick from now until the end of the year! I am excited to come out in the middle of May, the weather should be pretty nice.

Right after Colorado we've got to make it to Oklahoma for Memorial Day weekend for Caleb's 10-year high school reunion. Amazing that we've been out of high school this long. I'll have been out for 7 years this May...I can't believe it, time flies!

Christmas went very well, Nathan was so cute...I have taken a TON of pictures (something I'm usually horrible at) and I can't wait to post them on facebook. I'll do a short picture post on here as well once I get them uploaded. It'll probably be after we get home. I don't think I'm able to get them on my parent's computers without our Kodak EasyShare program.

We're headed up to Cheyenne, WY for New Year's. My parents always go up to our family friend's house and it's been a few years since we've been able to get up there so I'm pretty excited about it. Plus, their oldest daughter is in from North Carolina with her almost 6 month old, so I can't wait to get Nathan and her together.

Right now my sister, cousin and I are watching "Say Yes to the Dress" on TLC. I can't wait until Katie and her boyfriend get engaged (should be happening VERY soon) so I can go with her to pick out her dress. So exciting!! Anyway, later today we're taking family portraits with everyone. It'll be nice to have so many new pictures (we have the ones we took of just us and Nathan also).

Well, off to spend some more family-time!

Skiatook and Christmas Carolling

Yesterday we headed up to Stillwater and spent a few hours eating lunch and driving around "showing" Nathan where we spent 4 years of our lives before heading up to Morris, OK for family portraits.

Caleb's sister Heather gave us a portrait session as well as a photo package as our Christmas present. I'm very grateful since portraits are one of those things you need once you have kids, but we aren't really in a place where we can afford them.

So after we got those taken - Nathan did really well, no screaming, just had a hard time getting him to smile after a while - we at dinner at Mazzio's and then headed up to Skiatook where Caleb's extended family live.

Next year we'll be up in this area just north of Tulsa the entire time since his parents are moving from a little town south east of OKC to Bartlesville which isn't too far from Skiatook. It'll make our drive from Chicago about two hours shorter.

Anyway, tonight is the annual Neighbors Family Carolling. It's pretty special event for us this year since we have Nathan. We go around to the same houses every year so any new additions get special attention. It'll be fun!

I'll make sure to take a lot of pictures tonight and tomorrow (we have the big family Christmas tomorrow on Christmas Eve) and I'll post them when we get back to Chicago. I don't think I can post them on a computer that doesn't have Kodak Easy Share on it already.

Have a wonderful Christmas!

Oklahoma

After 15 hours in the car we're finally in Oklahoma. We got in about 7pm last night after leaving around 4am. It didn't seem like we were in the car for 15 hours, but it was sure good to get here! Nathan was amazing. He hardly got fussy about being in the car at all. We did take an hour break at lunch so he had a little more time to stretch but he slept his normal naps and I fed him bottles as we went.

I did nurse him in Joplin when we stopped for gas, so we lost some time there as well. Overall it went very well though. I'll be interested to see how he does on the airplane.

On Tuesday we're heading up to Stillwater to eat lunch, see the stadium and just hang out. I miss that place! After Stillwater, we'll continue on up to Skiatook. Carolling is Wednesday night and we'll have the big family Christmas on Thursday and then Friday will just be a relaxing sleep-in day. Perhaps we'll go see a movie.

We fly into Colorado early Saturday (our flight is at 6:45 or so) and will be there until the end of the week. Then we fly back to Tulsa and drive home on the 2nd. It's a whirlwind, but it's good to see family!

The calm before the storm..

Life is about to get REALLY busy. In a little over a month I am going to not only be working full time, but my classes will pick back up with a vengeance. I will be taking two classes at Dominican which apply to my actual degree and then one class at a local community college that will apply to my teaching certification. My goal is to be finished with classes by this time next year. So spring semester next year is full of student teaching...meaning that the 2011-2012 school year will hopefully be my first as an actual school librarian!

I will only be going down to school once a week (Monday nights) for my YA Lit class. My other Dominican class is a weekend class. Three weekends during the semester...all day long. It is an elective called Libraries 2.0 and Social Networking. Should be interesting (and easy I hope!), plus I thought it would be better than two classes a week. Being out until 10pm twice a week is NOT my idea of fun.

The education class I'll be taking is "Exceptional Child" which deals with disabilities in the classroom. It's an internet class with some required observation hours. I'm hoping this will fit in okay and I will do okay in the three classes.

It's funny, when I don't really think about it, I don't feel like I'll be taking on that much. However, once I start to lay it all out and look at it, I start to get nervous. How am I going to do this? Working full time, three classes AND a baby at home? I'm sad because my free time will be gone. My biggest fear is that I'll be working so hard that I'll have a lot less time to just snuggle with Nathan and he'll be grown up before I know it. Am I going to miss out on his "babyhood" because I'm so busy?

Eh, anyway...break is coming up and I'm excited to see our families again. We leave Saturday the 19th and don't get back until after New Years. We'll be going to Oklahoma first, then Colorado. Not sure how Nathan will do with the sleeping arrangements, but right now he's so messed up anyway. Ever since his growth spurt over Thanksgiving, he's been a mess.

I've decided to stop getting excited anytime Nathan's sleep routine seems to even out. Every time he's seemed to come up with a pattern (down at a certain time and falling asleep by himself for a week, sleeping through the night for a few days, etc.) it always goes out the window for no real reason. We don't change his bedtime routine and yet something causes him to change completely...right after I've started to relax, thinking he's settling into something.

Right now I feel like we're dealing with a newborn again. He doesn't want to sleep anywhere but our arms (which might be because he's got a bit of a cold), he's definitely not sleeping through the night, and he hasn't fallen asleep on his own since the week before Thanksgiving. This, a month and a half after he started sleeping on his own, falling asleep by himself and even getting to a point (when I thought Babywise was working) were he only woke up once a night.

I give up. I'm going to stick with his same "routine" (9pm bath, book, song, etc.) and if he sleeps well...great! But I'm not going to get hopeful that it'll last.

Oh growth spurt...

Well it was a tiring week back at work. Guess that happens when you have five days in a row off. By Friday I was physically exhausted...to the point where my legs and knees ACHED. Today has been a perfect "do absolutely nothing" day. Well, I can't say I didn't do anything, I did scoop the cat litter, sweep the kitchen floor and do some dishes, but that's it. The only thing else I've done is hang out online and listen to Christmas music w/ Nathan. We even started packing a little bit for Christmas! I can't believe it's only two weeks away and we only have one weekend left until we leave. Exciting!

I'm going to start a list of all the things I need for Nathan so I make sure I don't forget anything. Yes, Walmart exists, but it'll be cheaper if I bring it with!

I probably mentioned Nathan's growth spurt in my last post, but I'll mention again how thrilled I am that it's over (for now)! I have my sweet happy baby back...poor guy's bones must of really been aching last weekend, he was a mess. His sleep schedule got very screwed up due to the growth spurt and family coming to town. We're getting back into it but we still have a ways to go. While he is back to going to bed at a decent hour, he is now waking up around 2am again as well as not being able to fall asleep on his own. He got into this great routine of being able to fall asleep by himself a few weeks ago (I know I wrote about it) but it's all gone out the window since Thanksgiving...oh well, I'm sure we'll get there again eventually!

Scentsy is going okay still. I need to start finding people who want to have parties so I can keep it going. November went well sales-wise, but I wont see my commission until late this month. I'm a little frustrated by that, I was hoping to see it before our trip so we'd have a little buffer, but oh well.

Well, I hope the next two weeks fly by. I'm excited to see family again!

Picture Post

Thanksgiving

Again, it's been a while! This past week was busy with the holiday. I got Wednesday and Friday off on top of Thanksgiving so I'm enjoying a wonderful five day weekend. All weekends should be five day =)

My parents came into town for Thanksgiving. It was wonderful to see them and I really wish they could have stayed longer. It always feels like vacations are gone before you know it. They came in Tuesday night and stayed until very early this morning. It's a sixteen hour drive from here to Denver which they're hoping to do all in one day. They took two days to get out here.

I miss them already but we'll see them in less than a month. We are going to Oklahoma and Colorado for Christmas this year. Since I have two weeks off work we'll be driving to Oklahoma first and then flying from Tulsa to Denver for the second week. Then back to Tulsa and then driving home. It should be interesting w/ Nathan. We'll see how he does on the plane!

Right now little bean is fussing in his swing. He's tired but wasn't falling asleep in my arms so I put him in there. Doesn't seem to want to fall asleep though...well...maybe he's starting to drift off. I'll let you know!

His fantastic sleeping pattern from last week has been suffering lately. I'm not sure if it was the 12week growth spurt followed by a lot of visitors, but he's been all screwed up the last few nights. Not just that he's waking up again, but he's having a hard time GOING to sleep...something that he hasn't had a problem with for a month or more.

Thursday night we just thought he might be overtired because he didn't get a good afternoon nap in, but last night despite some good naps, he didn't want to go to bed in his crib. At least not on his own. We'll see if he gets back into the routine now that family is gone. I'm really worried about Christmas though. Having to go visit family with a different crib in two places...I'm not sure how he'll do.

Hmm, he's doing his "I'm tired" fussing still...I might try to put him down in his crib. Probably wont work, but worth a try I guess.

One of these days I'll do a picture post. Maybe later today. I have pictures from Thanksgiving I'd like to share.

Babywise

Alright moms I'm calling shenanigans on this one, there is a secret out there that either no one is telling you OR you know and are hiding it for yourself!!!

I knew this book existed because my mom had it when my little brother was born 12 years ago. She failed however, to tell me how magical it is! I should have gotten this before Nathan was even born so I could have started it right away. I didn't though and have now started using the advice within this holy grail of a baby book  this week and within days my beautiful little man has slept through the night. Oh yes. He has.

The main thing I've been implementing (or Caleb has since he's home all day) is the Eat/Wake/Sleep cycle. After Nathan eats he is no longer allowed to immediately go to sleep. We intentionally keep him up for a little while after he eats. The whole reasoning behind it is that we as adults don't go to sleep right after eating a large meal (in the rare occasion that you do, do you ever feel very good?) and so it might help regulate a babies "clock" if they follow the same pattern. Well does it ever!

The first three nights after starting this Nathan skipped his 2/3am feeding and only woke up for the 4/5am feeding (he was waking for both). That means he was sleeping from 10:15ish to 4:30ish. That's a good six hours. Well, last night my little man got to bed a bit late due to a trip out to see friends in Wheaton. I was a little afraid that would screw everything up, but no. He slept in the car ride home, went right to bed once we got home around 12:15 and slept until after 7am!

The other awesome little tid-bit that I like is that they make it okay to let your little one cry for 5-10minutes when you put them down for the night. Now I still am not on board completely with that concept. I don't know that I will ever let my future children cry it out when they're brand new, but at three months I could kinda tell Nathan would be okay with it. It's a different cry. Plus if he cries for more than 10mins I'd go get him, but he hasn't yet. The book STRESSES putting baby down to bed awake so they can fall asleep on their own. It's definitely worked w/ him. First couple nights he cried for roughly all of the 10mins before falling asleep. The last few nights though he's only cried for about 5mins and then it was only off and on as he was falling asleep.

This kid has got it down...I only see it getting better from here!

Again, shame on you moms out there who were hiding this and go get it for those of you still not sleeping at night!!

a day off...

Wow, so it's been a little while hasn't it? Since going back to work I haven't had the same amount of time to post that I (obviously) had when I was on maternity leave.

My first week back was hard, I'm not going to lie. The actual days at work were okay, not really that bad although by 3:30 I was shot and barely making it through those last 45 minutes. The worst was when I'd leave work. It is only a 20minute drive in the morning, but by 4:15 that drive is up to at the very least 30minutes and with all of the construction going on, it's more like 40-45minutes. So by the time I got home at 5pm, all I wanted to do was sit on the couch and relax with Nathan, but no I have to wash bottles, wash my pump parts, make dinner and get anything else done (laundry, cat boxes, etc.) So while that doesn't really take THAT long, it really eats into my time w/ Nathan. Before I know it it's 9 and time for his bath and bedtime routine. Which is a nice quiet time with him, but still.

This week has been better, partially due to the fact that I FINALLY found a route home without construction. Takes me just a tad over 30mins, door to door. I've also decided that if I do everything the second I come home (bottle washing, etc.) that it makes it a little better. Then I'm not dreading it for an hour or so. I get it done and can relax. Guess I just have to get into one of those little things they call a routine. Not that easy since the hardest routine I've had to master in the last five months has been waking up by 9am, making coffee and sitting in front of the computer. Well, I guess we did get Nathan's bedtime routine going which was a bit difficult at first. Not because of him, but because I had to get used to remembering to get off my butt and start it every night.

Anywho, I have Veteran's Day off today (had last Tuesday off too) so it's been a nice 'easing' into the work week. Next week is the first time I'll have to work every day, and I even get to leave early on Tuesday because of a class I have to take. WIC requires you to take a class at 3mo, 6mo, and 9mo. and for some odd reason they only offer them during the work day. Not sure why since most mom's on WIC probably work a lot less flexible jobs than I do and are most likely stuck taking sick days. Seems a bit counter intuitive to me. Then it's time for Thanksgiving! My family is coming in from Colorado and I'm excited to see them. My sister and brother haven't seen Nathan yet if you can believe it. That's what I get for having a kid right when school starts. That reminds me...I need to see if I can find a card table and chairs since we don't have enough for everyone for Thanksgiving dinner. I really want to use my china and I don't think we can eat Thanksgiving turkey while sitting on the couch! (or floor).

Wow, this post turned out to be a long one. Sorry about that. One more thing then I'm done, I promise.

In Scentsy news: Holiday warmers ARE going fast. The Heavenly warmer that my mom ordered (in time, thankfully) is already SOLD OUT, a week and a half after going on sale. Many of the others are already on back-order too. I've found that Scenty's back-order really doesn't take that long thankfully. But, it is a precursor to the seasonal ones being sold out since they only make a certain amount. ksteve.scentsy.com

Also, I placed my first 'party' order and let's just say I'm pleasantly surprised by the hostess rewards. I was the hostess for this party so I could build my stock for house parties. My four guests placed orders totaling $300 which allowed me to receive two items for half-price and $26 worth of free stuff. So I got two warmers for $13.50 each and 5 bars for free! So, if you're at all interested in a party let me know, it's a great way to get free Scentsy stuff. If you're in Chicago we can do either a house party or a basket party and if you live out of state from me, we can do a basket party! I just send you all of the stuff you need.

Okay, enough. Have a great Veteran's Day! I'll try to update more often so I don't always have long posts!

Holiday Warmers Are Here!!

Holiday warmers are now available! Hurry because they go FAST!!

Also, the November warmer of the month is the Holly warmer. Get it for 10% off today!!

KSTEVE.SCENTSY.COM

Giordano's, Shots and Peppermint Mocha Creamer...

Well, Caleb and I define the word "lame". We didn't feel like going out last night so we ended up ordering in. We ordered Giordano's and watched Jeopardy. Remember folks, we've only been married 4 years, it's not like this is our 42nd wedding anniversary or something. We're just boring like that. I can't even say Nathan is much of an excuse because he does so well when we go out it's not like he would have been a burden to take with us!

We did get a lovely gift card for the Olive Garden from Caleb's parents so we will be going out eventually (maybe tonight if the rain lets up a bit) but for now we're a very boring married couple who don't even go out on their anniversary. Sometimes I wish we didn't enjoy staying home so much! We are major homebodies.

Today was Nathan's two month wellness visit. The pediatrician said he looked wonderful and she didn't ask me about sleeping arrangements this time even though now I can actually say that he's in his crib! You'd be amazed at the difference in exhaustion when it comes to crib vs. co-sleeping though. Until he sleeps through the night I might have to co-sleep still during the week. Just getting out of bed at 3/4am makes me SOOO much more tired than waking up to roll over and nurse him. I'm kinda surprised by it actually.

Wednesday night we accidentally co-slept again (first time in over a week) because Caleb and I both fell asleep before I put him down. I woke up at 2:30 and just decided to stay there since he was going to wake up in an hour or so to eat anyway. Last night though he was back in his crib...AND he slept until 5am. A nice 5 hour stretch! I know better than to get my hopes up though. The first night we got him into his crib he slept 6 hours, the next night 5 and then after than he was back to waking for his 3am feeding.

I'm just thankful it really wasn't that hard to get him into his crib like the doctor said it would be. Sure, back at one month I had a hard time and gave up but I look back now and just think he wasn't at all ready. Especially since he has had no problem sleeping by himself in the crib at two months.

Wow, that was a bit of a tangent. I meant to talk about his two month vaccinations! Anyway, Nathan got his shots today and I thought he was supposed to get 4 shots (DTap, HIB, Polio/Pneumococcal and HepB), but they apparently have combined some of them and he was only going to get 3. He actually ended up only getting 2 because the doctor wanted to wait on his third HepB vaccine since he has already had two of them (first at a day old, then a month old). He also got an oral vaccine for Rotavirus.

My little bean did so well! I was a bit worried yesterday and this morning. I've heard bad things about these vaccines but they went just fine and he only cried a little bit. I even nursed him right after, put him in his sling and did some grocery shopping! Brave little man!

Which leads into my final part of my title list: Peppermint Mocha Creamer. It is FINALLY available ... YUM!! Now I don't have to spend $$ at Starbucks this winter. I can make my own =) Love it!

Sorry this was such a long post! I guess I was just in the mood to write. I need to direct that into my essay for grad. school. I've seriously had 5 months to write this essay to get into the School Library program and I haven't done it. I need to write it this weekend before I start work again! Procrastination anyone?

Have a great weekend! btw -- ksteve.scentsy.com (I have a baby to diaper....) ;-)

4 years....

Happy Four Year Anniversary To My Wonderful Husband!!

It amazes me that it's already been four years, how time flies. 

I love you.

Last Chance!

Last week to get the October warmer of the month for 10% off!

 

Next month's burner is a Holly Leaf design for the Holidays, very cute!

Remember, all warmers are wick-free...meaning no candles! Great for classrooms and dorms!!!... Wax also doesn't get hot enough to burn so it's safe for kids and pets!

Warmers = $30! GREAT GIFTS!!

KSTEVE.SCENTSY.COM

Picture Post

Nathan is two months old today! Amazing how fast it went. I go back to work a week from tomorrow. Not really looking forward to that, but at least he'll be home with Caleb and I don't have to go through the emotional turmoil that is daycare. Still don't want to leave him all day though!

Here are some recent pictures:

He did it!!!

Nathan officially slept in his crib without waking for SIX hours last night!! He is a totally different baby than last month when we tried after our pediatrician told me to move him.

He's become much more comfortable in his crib, during the day he'll lay in there while I'm doing laundry and watch his mobile. It's adorable because he gets so excited when he sees it but actually starts giggling when I turn it on.

Anyway, I decided to try again last night after having him nap in there during the day yesterday and it worked! Six straight hours and he slept through his 4am feeding!

Hope we're able to keep it up!

Ah, The First Cold...

Yes, sadly my little bean is suffering from his first cold. What a happy milestone. I have one too and we "think" we may have gotten it from Caleb's dad when his family was in town last week. We all thought he was just suffering from allergies but now I'm not so sure. Although it could be that this cold is from another source entirely since they were here from Wednesday to Saturday and Nathan and I started feeling sick on Sunday and Nathan did have some congestion even before then. Anyone know what the incubation time is for a common cold? Could we get it that fast or does it take a week?

Anyway, we seem to be feeling a bit better. It's so sad to see a little baby sick, you just wish you could teach him how to blow his nose! The drainage is causing him to have a little cough too... he's so pitiful! The worst part though is that it is creating a bunch of gas in his belly. I assume it has to do with the fact that he's breathing through his mouth while he's eating (or attempting to) and sucking in air, but man, his gas has been WAY worse these last few days. Luckily the Mylicon actually seems to be helping. When he was younger it didn't seem to do much.

All I can really do for him is attempt to suction it out with the bulb syringe (this only half works) and try to keep him a little upright at night. I've also been monitoring him daily for a fever which has luckily not been a problem. Just hope we are actually getting better and he doesn't get any worse. I'd hate to have to deal with an ear infection this early on.

In other developmental news, we've started putting Nathan in his Bumbo chair that his Aunt Heather gave him. He really likes the new point of view he gets when he's in it but although he's holding his head up very very well, he does get tired after a while, so he's not hanging out in it constantly quite yet. He looks pretty funny in it though. Here's a picture:

Also, he is in love with his mobile. He'll actually lay in there for a long time staring at his friends. He talks to them and when I wind it up he gets really excited. It's the cutest thing!

So, lets see....he smiled for the first time around 5 weeks and was really smiling a lot and laughing by 6 weeks. He's been holding his head up since day 2 or so (I promise...the nurse made a huge deal out of it in the hospital) and now at 8 weeks we have his first cold. Next we'll see how long it'll be before he rolls over. According to his ped. he can do it at anytime!

Stupid Halloween

GRRRRR... I'm so upset about Nathan's Halloween costume. I bought him this adorable little pumpkin costume right after he was born and it's too small! I bought a 0-3mo size because he will be 2months at Halloween. Ha! That was before I knew my child was a hoss who grows like a weed. The kid is 14lbs and he'll be 8 weeks tomorrow!

Anyway, I should have bought size 3-6mo and now there is nothing I can do about it. Target doesn't have the costume in stock anymore and we can't afford to buy another one right now. So frustrating! We do have this cute little pumpkin onesie that Caleb's mom got him that I was going to put him in w/ some Halloween socks my mom got him, but we don't have any black pants and I can't put him in just a onesie in Chicago. GRRRRR...

So, my next option is his snow suit which is a blue suit w/ bear ears on the hood. I guess I'll put him in that with a little black make-up on this nose. Great, every time we look back at pictures he's going to ask what the heck he was. A stupid blue bear...

Ugh, can you tell I'm upset? I REALLY wanted to do well with my child's first holiday and I feel like I've failed already. I realize he wont remember it, but that's not really my concern...the pictures are the concern. I wanted to make sure he had cute Halloween pictures that he could always look back on. Every child needs to be a pumpkin at least once too.....not some random bear.

So mad at myself. 

So, I've decided to start selling Scentsy for a little extra money now that we have a little one. They are these fabulous tart warmers that smell amazing. My mother-in-law gave me one for my birthday this year and I fell in love with them.
They really don't cost all that much and would make great gifts this Christmas.

Check out all of the neat Scentsy warmers on my site: ksteve.scentsy.com

If you're interested in purchasing anything or in selling it yourself let me know! Also, to all my Canadian friends, Scentsy just came to Canada this fall ... meaning you can now sell it too! Just ask me how

Pack&Play

So despite my insistence that I've given up on getting Nathan in his crib or pack&play, I haven't really.

Last night we attempted the pack&play again. This time it went "ok"... he slept about half the night in it, on and off. Caleb put him in the p&p around 2am after Nathan and I both fell asleep after his 1am feeding. Then he woke up around 3 to eat again and as much as I meant to put him right back in the p&p afterward, we fell asleep until 4:15ish. Of course when I tried to move him back to the p&p he woke up and started his gas grunting and then made a huge messy diaper.

So, by the time I got that all sorted out it was 5am and so I put him down again and GUESS WHAT!?! He actually fell asleep on his own! First time (at night) that he's ever done this! Progress, progress!

Maybe we're getting there.

SNOW!?

I'm am in shock over the weather this week. I still can't believe how cold it has gotten and how early the snow has come, Cheyenne has 8 inches before Halloween!? Geez.

Not that an October snow in Wyoming and Colorado is rare, but that much and being that cold...I'm really worried about this winter. I hate long winters. Chicago usually doesn't get snow until late November but once it snows it's on the ground until March -- I hate that. Colorado might snow in Sept and May but at least it melts and there isn't the same snow on the ground all winter. Piling up, getting nasty gray and slushy. Causing the streets to fill with drifts...ugh. I hate it.

Every fall I feel like I didn't take the full advantage of summer. Didn't do enough outside, etc. I did do a lot in June this year, but once my family left I hardly did anything. Stayed inside most of the summer. BORING. Oh well, next year Nathan will be big enough to really enjoy being outside...maybe we'll do more.

Well, off to enjoy another quiet day w/ Caleb and Nathan. I need to finish some laundry and get the house cleaned up a bit though since Caleb's family is coming in this week. I've only vacuumed once since Nathan was born. Ewww...

one year later...

One year ago today I found out our first baby had died. I had some spotting and went in for an ultrasound after work. Caleb couldn't be there since it was such short notice. So, I sat by myself hoping and hoping that I was just one of those women who spot during their pregnancies. I knew deep down I wasn't that lucky.

It still was a bit of a shock though when the ultrasound technician said "I'm sorry but there is no heartbeat". I remember going into the bathroom and just sitting there staring at the floor thinking it can't be real, it can't be real. I'm still pregnant, it's still okay. I remember talking to the doctor on the phone to discuss options before I left the hospital, not really wanting to think about it. I remember walking back to my car fighting off the tears and sitting in the driver's seat, calling Caleb to tell him. I remember thinking I shouldn't be driving home in this state ... I'm still curious how I managed to get home.

I remember laying in bed, sobbing while Caleb laid with me. I remember seeing my husband cry. I remember him telling me we could try again. I remember being thankful for that. I remember we ordered our favorite take-out for dinner and I remember being relieved that I didn't have work the next day due to Yom Kippur.

I didn't really think I could cry about this anymore but now that I sit here, forcing myself to remember the details of that day, I am a bit teary eyed. Just remembering the feeling of it all makes me sad again. But, Nathan just started crying and that reminds me what a difference a year makes and how something wonderful can come out of something so sad. Without my miscarriage, Nathan would not be here. Without my miscarriage I would still be under the false impression that it is a rare occurrence. I would still be ignorant enough to think it couldn't happen to me. Without my miscarriage I would not be who I am today.

I don't want to forget my first baby, even though many people do not understand the need to dwell on early loss. Many people do not think of it as a baby. Now I doubt I'll tell Nathan he had a big brother or sister, but one day I will tell my children I had a miscarriage. I want people to know so others don't go through the same feelings of inadequacy that I did. Miscarriage makes you feel that way, like you're broken. A freak of nature. You can't carry a baby, you're messed up. I don't honestly know if me telling those not related to me will help them, I heard miscarriage stories of people I knew but wasn't related to and it really didn't help much. They weren't of the same biological make-up as me, that didn't give me hope that I was capable of carrying a baby.

What helped was the knowledge that my grandmother had a miscarriage before her three children. No one had ever told me this. It wasn't until the days after my miscarriage that I found out. I wish I'd known before ... maybe I wouldn't have felt the way I did for even a few days ... although maybe I would have. Who knows.

Anyway, this post is a lot longer than I had anticipated. I just wanted to mark the date, to remember what I'd been through and how far I've come. So in remembrance:

Baby Stevenson

August 2008 - October 2008

Not Me! Monday!

- I definitely did NOT get in a fight with my husband this weekend over whether or not the GPS was taking us on the most ideal route home.
- I NEVER bring coffee into church, despite the fact that others in our church do. I'm much more respectful than that.
- Also, I in NO WAY spilled said coffee in the middle of the service, proving exactly why you should never bring your coffee into church with you.
- I have DEFINITELY cleaned my house more than once since my six week old was born. I am a clean freak you know.
- And I most certainly did NOT cut up diapers that are too small into nursing pads since I ran out, that would be cheap and silly (or frugal and ingenious...you pick)

Target and the Olympic Bid

A little disappointed that Chicago lost the Olympics in the first round ... I really thought we'd get it or at least only lose to Rio, not Tokyo AND Madrid!

Sad, oh well... now there wont be a ton more construction and it's not like we'll be in Chicago in 2016 anyway.

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Not much else going on here today. Just hanging out at home as usual. I need to go to Target soon but probably wont be going today. Maybe after church on Sunday. We got a lot more clothing at the shower our church threw for us. A lot of it was great winter stuff (we didn't get ANY winter clothing at our other shower) that will be a huge blessing here in Chicago but we also got a lot of bibs which we don't really need anymore of and some great gift cards ... all Target, so I'm going to head there and get some more bottle nipples, a humidifier and more of all of those things I need every day (diapers, wipes, nursing pads, pacifiers, etc).

Baby-wearing and co-sleeping

So much for the crib. After two pretty good nights it has become hated, by both of us. Nathan apparently decided it was not something he was interested in despite doing it for two nights in a row.

We spent two more awful nights on Sunday and Monday fighting until I gave up in the wee hours of the morning and just brought him back to bed with me. Last night I thought I'd go ahead and bring the pack&play into the bedroom and try that since he'll nap in it. Yeah, still a no-go. I will say I didn't try as hard this time around since I was exhausted from the previous two nights, so the first time he woke himself up, I just gave up and brought him to bed.

He wont be patted back down and he ends up waking himself up COMPLETELY. Like, wide awake, quiet-alert awake which is something he just doesn't do normally. Once 1am rolls around he usually sleeps without waking (except to eat) until 8ish. It's just ridiculous. I'm sorry but I wont let my 5 week old cry-it-out. He's just too little - Sorry Dr. Cimo, but I'm not doing it. (I'm going against the pediatrician...uh oh!) Everything I've read says you can't spoil a baby this little, that their crying is not manipulative so, I refuse.

Self-soothing will come in time. When he's older I'll be able to let him cry-it-out but for now we're going to be a co-sleeping family. We all sleep better. He sleeps pretty much all night and doesn't even fully wake up to eat. Just gets fussy in his sleep and is able to eat while staying half asleep. I'm able to just roll onto my side and nurse and we both drift off to sleep again. It's wonderful. Why do people in the USA have such an issue w/ co-sleeping? Now I understand it can be dangerous if you roll onto the baby, but we've got it set up that I really don't think this will happen.

I've put that co-sleeper I bought in the middle of the bed and I'll put him in it when he's VERY asleep, but if I hold him I'll place him in my left arm against the side of the co-sleeper and I sleep on my side. There is no where for me to roll too and Caleb is on the other side of the co-sleeper, therefore completely out of the picture when it comes to rolling onto Nathan. It works, he sleeps so well and so do I. I got so much sleep last night! I was able to wake up at 8am w/ Caleb again. Something I haven't been able to do since attempting the crib (even on the "good" nights) ... I had to sleep until 9 then and even felt like I could sleep longer.

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I'm also attempting to get Nathan used to his sling. I haven't used it much, but I love having him close yet able to have my hands free to do things (like eat lunch!). Right now he's in it, sleeping away. Sweet boy. Dr. Sear's says babies who stay close to mom in slings all day sleep better at night. Interesting. We shall test this theory.

So now I am a breastfeeding, baby-wearing, co-sleeping mommy. If we start doing a little cloth-diapering I can add that to my list of "hippy" things I do too... Heck, maybe I'll even make my own baby food ...

We did it!

Last night Nathan slept in his crib! Whoo!

A Month Old Today!

He's a month old today...that just amazes me...

I love being a mom. I really do, I love getting covered in my child's spit up and not caring all that much. Just wipe it up and go. Hehe.

That is one thing Caleb has a hard time with, the spit-up. He can do the dirty diapers (which he swore he'd NEVER change) but he hates it when Nathan spits-up, even if it doesn't get on him. It's kinda funny too, because I think our child knows how much daddy hates it. He'll be fine, I'll hand him over to Caleb and of course he inevitably spits-up. It's kinda funny actually (to me anyway).

Today we had Nathan's 4 week wellness visit. He's such a big boy! He is now:

11.5 lbs

21.5 inches long

and his head is 37.5 cm

I don't know what his head was at birth. They never told me if they even measured it, but he's gained over 3lbs since birth and grown a whole inch in length! My new mommy friend Leigh called him "solid" yesterday which I like. My kid is not chunky, chubby or fat. He is SOLID. Hehe.

The doctor also said he could start rolling over at anytime, so we can't assume he'll stay where we put him anymore. I'm glad she said that because I really thought it was more like 3months when they started to roll over. Also, we've been instructed to start moving him to the crib. She said he wont learn self-soothing unless he's given the opportunity so I guess tonight I'm in for a night of no sleep! He always wakes himself up by grunting when I put him down by myself so it should be interesting. He also got his second HepB vaccine and he next visit (at 2mos.) is when the real round of vaccines start. Lovely. Although the little bean took it like a champ today. He just cried out once when she stuck him with the needle and then hasn't been all that fussy. I did give him a small amount of Tylenol to help ease the pain once we got home. Doctor's orders ;)

In other news we've got some craziness going on w/ our bank account and the kitchen sink. The sink started leaking about a week ago but it was a really slow drip that we kept meaning to call on and never did. Until yesterday when it became a steady stream and now we're in a slight panic. Our maintenance guy isn't exactly the most reliable person in the world (one reason I kept hoping the stupid leak would stop and we wouldn't have to call) and now we've got to wait on him to even call back while we continually empty out the bowls we have placed under the sink. We can't even turn the water off because every time we attempt to the leak gets worse!

As for our bank account, yesterday Caleb got a notice from Chase saying there was a balance of negative $275. Luckily this isn't our main account but we were still in a panic. After checking online we realized someone had gotten a hold of one of our debit card numbers. Not knowing which one I called and canceled all of my bank cards (for every account we have, just in case) and called Chase to let them know. Of course they can't do anything until it posts but they were alerted, which was good because this morning the person tried to buy something else and it was denied because of the alert on the account. We ended up finding out it was Caleb's card but we're still not sure how someone got a hold of the information. It's the least used of our cards since it's hooked to Caleb's Comic Book account. So, anyway...thank goodness for automated bank alerts. Otherwise we wouldn't have known as soon as that first transaction took place.

update w/ nathan pictures

Sorry it took so long to update. My appointment went well. It turns out I do have a small prolapse but the doctor said there wasn't much we could do about it and that it isn't dangerous. She did say

that although we could do things to fix it if it really was

bothersome (surgery) it didn't make any sense to do it now since I want more children. Pregnancy would just undo anything we fix. So, if I get it fixed it'll be after we have all the children we're planning on having.

I guess prolapse is pretty common after pregnancy and w/ age. I had just never heard of it. No one really talks about what you'll look like "down there" after pregnancy. I guess I was just shocked by it.

Anyway, not much else is going on here. Nathan has his 4 week wellness appointment on Friday. I can't believe he's already a month old! I need to get something to make an imprint of his little feet into. Molding clay or something because they're so freaking cute and I can't stand the thought of them getting bigger. It's funny how excited you get when your child starts to do new things and get bigger, but it's so bittersweet too. You want them to stay tiny!

good morning!

Well my dad left yesterday afternoon. We had a good visit and I should be putting up pictures of Nathan and his grandpa on Facebook sometime this week. I'm usually a bit slow getting pictures up, so bear w/ me. My whole family is coming back up over Thanksgiving and I'm excited to see them all again. Especially my brother and sister (neither one has gotten to see Nathan yet!)

My doctor's appointment is later this evening so I'll have to update again after that. I'm curious what she'll say.

Other than that the only other interesting thing going on here is that Nathan has started to make eye contact in the last couple days. It's so neat to see him getting more and more alert and aware of his surroundings!

Welcome baby Leah!

Let's see...first off, congrats to Krista and Patrick on the birth of little Leah Catherine this past Tuesday! Krista and I went to grade school together and have been keeping in touch through facebook, xanga and blogspot throughout our pregnancies.

In other news, my dad is coming into town tonight to visit Nathan. He wasn't able to make it back when everyone else came in, so now he gets a whole weekend w/ Nathan all to himself. We'll have lots more pictures on Monday!

Also, tomorrow we're going to visit my coworkers for the first time. I really wanted to go on a day that didn't have any students. Friday is a late start day which means the students don't come until 9:40 but the teachers come on time. This would have given me the opportunity to bring him in w/ minimal student contact. I found out though that most of the library staff will be in a meeting at our sister high school during the morning hours so we have to come in during 1st period anyway. I would have come in earlier this week if I'd known I'd have to go into during normal hours anyway, but oh well.

Monday I have a doctor's appointment w/ my OB. My six week appointment isn't until October 7th but I think I have some sort of prolapse so I'm going in to get it checked out. There are various things that can prolapse after pregnancy (bladder, inner wall, and even the uterus itself) and when I called the nurse and relayed my symptoms she said "yeah...how about you come in" so I probably do have some sort of prolapse. Hopefully it wont require surgery.

Well, that's about all I have to update on. Nathan is doing well. He's getting huge already and has a ton of baby acne despite my twice daily attempts at washing his face. Perhaps I'll have to up it to three times a day. Hopefully lots of baby acne doesn't mean a lot of teenage acne later on! He's a happy baby except for a few hours at night (around 11 to 1am) when he gets fussy and wants to eat constantly...well I should really say, use me as a pacifier. I've tried the actual pacifier and sometimes he'll take it but other times only mommy will do. Not sure how that's going to work when I start working again.

Hope everyone has a great weekend. I'm not sure I'll be updating until next week since my dad will be in town.

On Saturday I took Nathan into the doctor due to some bad diaper rash and excessive spitting up. He'd been having a hard time keeping his food down for the past day and I was worried about it.

The doctor checked him out and of course he was fine. I'm a worry wart, but we did get some sample cream for his bottom, eventhough it wasn't near enough, so I bought some maximum strength desitin at CVS yesterday. It seems to be helping, I think the key is to dry him with paper towels after the wipes, then add the diaper cream. Seems obvious, but as a first timer it took me a little while to catch on. =)

He has gained weight, in fact he now weighs in at 9lbs, 15oz ... a full 2lbs more than we weighed at birth! He's only 3 weeks tomorrow, which means he's getting enough to eat. The doctor says he's just a "happy spitter" and could have some mild reflux but since he's gaining weight and having the right amount of diapers, that it isn't an issue.

We did figure out though that the excessive spitting up on Friday was probably due to some salsa I ate Thursday night. So, sadly, I have to cut the spicy foods. Also, he's been so gassy that I think I'm going to try cutting milk (I drink a TON of it) and see if that helps at all. I figure I can drink Soy Milk while I nurse. I'll deal if it means he isn't as gassy. Poor guy! I've tried Mylicon but it doesn't seem to help much. I might try gripe water sometime, but I dunno. I've heard that's more for colic and hiccups which he does get hiccups but since he isn't screaming for hours, I don't think he's colicky.

8 years...

How is it possible that it has been EIGHT years already?

I was on my way out the door headed to school when my mom stopped me and had me watch the TV. That's when the second plane hit. In my first class my drama teacher already was predicting the radical change our country would endure following this. In my second class we watched the first tower fall.

I was sixteen when our world changed ... where were you?

Josh Josh Josh

Hmmm, I love Josh Groban. I go through spurts where I don't listen to much music and I forget how much I love him. I mean he'll be on my favorites list, but I'll forget how his music makes me feel. How it hits my soul. Lame sounding, yes I know.

But, today I have Oprah to thank for reminding me. Her show today was about old episodes where they surprised people. Her friend Gail is a huge Josh fan as well and Oprah surprised her once by sending Josh to her office to serenade her w/ her favorite song: When You Say You Love Me.

I loved this because that was the song that Caleb and I had at our wedding. We also had You Raise Me Up, which we had his cousin sing, but When You Say You Love Me was our unity candle song and we played the cd of Josh singing it.

So, anyway, I threw in one of my cds this morning and have been listening to it for a while now. Nathan seems to enjoy it too, which is good ... gotta make sure this kid is cultured!

BTW - if you enjoy Josh Groban and have never seen him in concert, you're REALLY missing out. Caleb and I went to a concert once when he came to Oklahoma City and it was amazing. I cried, especially when he sang Starry Starry Night, which happens to be my all time favorite Josh song.

Okay, enough rambling about Josh Groban. I love him, blah blah ;) Have a great one!

Two weeks!

Nathan will actually be two weeks old tomorrow! I can't believe how fast it's gone by. We've settled into a better routine in the last week. Now his sleep pattern is fairly predictable:

He is awake between feedings until about 1 or 2 am depending on when he eats (which is based on how he sets his schedule during the day..sometimes he eats every 2 hrs during the day, sometimes it's just every hour...but at night it always goes back to 2-3 hrs). After that 1/2am feeding he goes to sleep until 4 or 5 (depending on when he ate last) and then goes right back to sleep until 7 or 8am.

So, really I'm getting almost 6 hours of sleep a night! Pretty good if you ask me! We do need to figure something out though for when I go back to work in November. I'll have to wake up around 5, so I wont be getting those extra three hours in. Not sure how to switch his little schedule, but we'll see.

The other night he slept between every feeding starting at 11pm, which would be better for once I go back to work, but I don't know how to repeat that, lol.

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As for the crib situation, I've given up. I've talked to friends and family w/ young children and they all say their kiddos didn't sleep in the crib until 2 months. What I've done however, is buy a sleep positioner (see the picture below) that goes in between Caleb and I in the bed. It keeps us from rolling over on him, plus gets Nathan used to sleeping somewhere other than our arms. And, once you want to move him to the crib, you can put it in there to help the transition.

So far he seems to like it. He does end up in my arms at some point in the night, mainly because he's fussy and as I'm calming him down I fall asleep, lol. Oh well, we'll get the hang of it!

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His yucky cord stump is about to fall off. I think it'll be off sometime today, it's only hanging on by a thread. I didn't know how icky it would look underneath so I called the pediatrician this morning because we were afraid it was infected. But, apparently it is only infected if it is red AROUND the navel ... not on the navel. So even though the belly button is red and has some pus on it, it is normal. I'm just supposed to apply alcohol to it to help it dry out now. I can't wait until it's all healed and the stump is gone. It stinks!

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Sorry this is such a long post! I didn't realize I had such a long update. Saturday was our first Oklahoma State game and we dressed Nathan up in his OSU gear and he was soo cute! To make the day even better? OSU won against Georgia and OU lost against BYU! Love it!

Okay, enough...hehe. Hope you have a great Labor Day!

GO POKES!

Growth Spurts

Well, I think Nathan has hit his first growth spurt. According to the books he's supposed to hit one between either: 7-10 days, 1-3 weeks, or 2 weeks (gotta love books that all say something different!)

The symptoms of this include "cluster feeding" which is when your usually routine 2 hour feedings suddenly turn into much more. Today he's eating every hour or so. The only thing that worries me is that he doesn't seem to be eating much during this time. He only eats for about 5 mins ... but I guess if he's eating more frequently then maybe that's all he needs.

Anyway, it has made it hard to get anything done today. Usually I have a little time when he's sleeping but now I start something, get right in the middle of it and he awakes. Oh well ... guess I wont be getting a shower today!

Picture Post!

New pictures of Nathaniel! =)

Coming home from the hospital

Hanging out w/ mommy

Tummy troubles!

Snoozing in the hospital

Mommy's favorite!

one week later...

I can't believe he's already been here a week! Amazing. I could just stare at him for hours.

Our nights have been interesting. The second night home was the worst. I still had a little stamina from getting rest in the hospital that first night home, but the second day I over did it a bit. We had a lot of family in and I was feeling good so I was up and around a lot. Then, when he didn't sleep that night I was drained. Add a mild case of the baby blues and I about lost it. I cried a lot that night.

Since then things have been better. No more crying (from me that is), but there have been points in the night where I've seriously considered switching to formula. We'll be working on getting him to sleep in his crib for a while I think. A couple nights ago he slept in it for a while, but last night he would have nothing to do with it. So, again he slept with us. I hate doing that because I'm afraid he's going to suffocate but it's the only way he'll sleep and in turn, the only way I can sleep.

Anyway, that's about all update I have time for. He's sleeping but I'm trying to get at least a little house work done while he's snoozing.

Birth Story

Introducing:

Nathaniel Louis

August 25th, 2009 @ 9:47pm

7lbs, 15oz

20.5 inches

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Birth Story Below: WARNING, medical/"labor" info you may not care to read ;-)

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He's here! I was induced on August 25th which was also my EDD.

We had to call L&D that morning to find out when we were supposed to come in. We finally got the all clear to come in around 10:30am CST but when we got there we still had to wait until 11am to get our room.

Once in there it took a while to get my IV in, they had to try twice before getting it so the pitocin wasn't started until 11:30ish that morning.

They checked my cervix around noon and it was 2 and 1/2 cm, very effaced but very posterior. BTW, I thought I'd had my cervix checked before but OMG this was the most painful thing I'd ever experienced. Nathan's head was in the way and to get around it I think the doctor ripped me in half. I couldn't believe how bad the pain was!

After the evil cervix doctor left, my contractions started going and were getting very close together but they were painless for quite a while. They upped my dosage to 8 around 3pm right after they broke my water (I'd advanced to 4cm by that time) and that was when I finally started to feel something. After about a half hour of that I went ahead and asked for the epidural. It took another hour or so for the guy to get there, so that was placed around 5pm. The contractions were a lot stronger but I could still talk through them.

My epidural was easy -- very painless to get, I HIGHLY recommend it! Once I got the epidural they upped my pitocin to 10 but when they checked me an hour later I was still only 4cm dilated.

The same evil cervix doctor decided to place a monitor inside to check the strength of the contractions. An hour later my nurse wasn't sure how well it was working or if it had been placed correctly so she found another doctor to redo it. The doctor then found that I was 9cm! 4 to 9 in an hour! I couldn't believe it. I'd been worried I was going to stall at 4cm.

After that they went ahead and let my doctor know (she was on call but not at the hospital) and then decided to let me labor down for a while. It took forever for my doctor to get there so when she finally did around 9pm we were given the all clear to start to push.

The nurse and my mom held my legs while Caleb held my head. I couldn't believe how hard it was to keep from using your face! He just provided some pressure on my forehead which really seemed to help, but I still ended up with a rash from it the next day. It went away pretty quickly though. I started pushing from 9:15ish and by the time 9:30 (I think, I wasn’t paying too much attention to the time) rolled around the nurse was calling for the doctor who had disappeared again! I guess she figured, first baby, I’d be pushing for at least an hour. At one point the nurse called for ANY doctor otherwise she’d be delivering the baby herself!

My doctor did show up just in time and at 9:47pm Nathaniel Louis was born! I was able to have him placed right on my chest for a few minutes before they took him to clean him up and give him the vitamin k shot. We did get to wait an hour before we put the eye drops in and they also did the cord blood collection for donation.

Overall I think it went well. I didn’t have a huge idea on birth plan, I just figured I’d get the epidural and as long as the baby was healthy, I’d be happy. I knew I wanted to donate the cord blood as well as wait for the eye drops until after the initial bonding time, but other than that I didn’t have a set plan.

I did tear a little bit, but I haven’t had too much pain with the healing process. One of my tears caused me to have the catheter in place until morning. It was nice not having to get up!

Anyway, that was my experience … again, I love epidurals! ;-)

God moments ...Blessed Be His Name!

God moments. They never cease to amaze me. I'm so thankful that I've been blessed enough to experience them because they really restore my faith at times when I'm either suffering or just flat out, falling out of my walk with God. Not because I don't think He exists, but because I let life get in the way. My every day routine stops focusing on Him and I pray less and leave Him behind despite His attempts to be with me.

Today at church, I had one of these God moments.

To begin, I have to start back in August of last year. It was this week last year that I found out I was pregnant with our first baby. We weren't trying to get pregnant (I know, I know...how can you not be trying? Trust me, it happens) but I was very excited and the idea soon began to grow on Caleb as well. We were due April 21st.

I set my first appointment with my OB/GYN and couldn't wait to go. Until the day of that is. It was on my way to that appointment that I became irrationally nervous. Something was wrong. I didn't feel right, I know it doesn't make sense ... call it intuition, but, whatever. I knew. That early on, I knew.

We found out that day that I wasn't as far along as we'd thought. I should have been about 8 weeks along but the ultrasound said I was more like 5. That couldn't be right. I was distraught but the doctor said it was no big deal, I'd just ovulated late. So she sent us in for a better quality ultrasound. We found a sac and a heartbeat. I was 6 weeks along. Okay, that MIGHT be right I thought. Yet, as the next two weeks progressed I couldn't shake that feeling.

Sure enough, on October 8th I started to spot and an ultrasound confirmed it. We'd lost the baby. It had passed away about a week prior. I miscarried naturally on Sunday October 12th, 2008. I'll always remember that date. I got through it the best I could. I took time off work just for the physical healing and spent my spare time on the emotional. I clung to God, in a situation that many might turn from Him, I didn't ... mainly because I didn't know what else to do. I'm certainly not special for doing so, I just had nothing else. Almost like I knew if I didn't, I would drown. I give the earthly credit for this to a song. A song you ask? Yes. It has become the song I will always go to in times of need from now on:

Blessed Be Your Name

Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name

Blessed be your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name

Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name

Blessed be your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be your name

Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name

Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, Blessed be your name

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Anyway, I have had a few God moments involving this song. I would say just hearing the song in the first place would be one. The second, the largest and biggest for me, occurred one Saturday in October, only a few weeks after my miscarriage. I was on my way to my 9am class. As I was driving I started to ask "why" again. I mean who WOULDN'T ask God why? As I rounded a bend in the road the song came on and as I looked up into the sky (don't worry I was still paying attention to the road) I saw something I will never forget. A Rainbow. My rainbow. It meant everything and the world. God sent Noah a rainbow as a promise to never again flood the earth. I truly believe God sent me that rainbow as a promise that I will never again have another miscarriage. That moment will rank up there in God moments for me. I only have one other one that would come close ... but that's another story for another day.

So, finally, back to my God moment from today. As I mentioned in my last post, I'm being induced on Tuesday. A full year from finding out about our first pregnancy, I'm going to give birth to our son. Today at church, can you guess what song we sang - that we've NEVER sung any other Sunday in the year and a half we've attended? You guessed it. Blessed Be Your Name.

Thank you Lord, thank you so very very much.